Patience
by simply-a-freak
Summary: Matt and Mello have been the closest of friends since they met. Little by little their relationship progresses.   What happens when Mello just wouldn't utter the words Matt so desperately wants him to?
1. I'll wait for you

Three simple words..  
>Mells that's all I ever wanted you to tell me, that's what made me stay, after all this time, I longed to hear those words from you, I craved them and wished for you to speak them..<br>You never did though..I was starting to think that you never will. I thought perhaps, you don't feel that way, perhaps, we're just that kind of friends, friends with benefits, and that made my heart ache.  
>You'd be gone for weeks, then come back to find me waiting for you, whenever you came back, you looked unsure every time, when you came through that door, after staying far too long elsewhere, you looked for me, as if you thought I'd be gone, I can't say I haven't thought about it, but you know Mells, I'd never do it, not to you.<p>

Sometimes I could feel you about to say them, but you never did, I think I know why.. Pride, but most of all, you thought that it's a sign of weakness, to mouth those words, to speak them, to imply them, to feel the feeling those words represent, to allow those words to mean something.

I was happy when I noticed how you showed it, your own way, every tender kiss after we argue, your own way of apologizing, every little piece of chocolate you offered when you did something wrong, every gentle caress of your fingers on my back as you whisper somewhat harsh words into my ear, every moan of my name you let escape willingly as your nails dig into my hips, every short phone call that you made sure to make regularly to check on me, under the pretext that I am not responsible enough not to burn the apartment when you're not with me, every smile that would curl up your lips when you find me still here, waiting, every sigh you release when you think I'm sleeping, as you stroke my hair, with me laying on your chest, every kiss to the top of my head before you walk out, early in the morning..

Contradictory, that's you Mello, never have I seen someone so beautifully contradictory.. 

* * *

><p>Chapter 1-<br>You probably won't understand this, but it'll be clear in the next chapters.


	2. You always do

I love you.

Really, I do..  
>I..<p>

"I... ". His green eyes bore into mine, pleading me to speak the magical words, but I can't, I haven't been able to, in a very long time. I sigh and look back at him sadly. One of these days he'll give up and leave me, it'll be all my fault, but I can t help it, I can't say those words, not to him..  
>He smiles at me and kisses me softly "it's alright.." he says his lips almost touching mine "I can wait.. "<p>

It's painful, it really is, Matt always waits, that's what he does, he waited for me when I disappeared from Whammy's without telling him, then came back after a week, took all my stuff and left with him. He waited for me when I left him some nights when I couldn't take staying close to him anymore, hurting him, that all I ever do. Sometimes I'd stay away for weeks, but he still waits, sometimes I have to go away because of work, I'm a detective now after all. I want him to stop. I want him to leave me. But I'd probably do all I can to stop him from doing just that. This side of me, weak, desperate, confused, wants him to forever stay by my side, wants his lips pressed against mine, wants to hear his voice, wants to see his face.  
>Wants to feel the things only he, can make me feel.<p>

It's idiotic, how I handle my own feelings.  
>I trust him, I do.<br>But my past, stands in my way, being left as a child, like a fool my mother left me sitting on a door step of an orphanage with an ice cream corn in my hand.  
>Idiot, I shouldn't have sat there, watching her as she left because she "forgot her purse at the ice cream store" Shoulda wondered why the heck we went so far from home.<br>Why she was being incredibly nice, unlike usually.  
>Heck she even patted my hair, a smile in her face as she kissed my nose then went on her way, perhaps it was a smile of relief, getting rid of a burden, me.<br>That was the closest thing to love I felt, until I was taken to whammy's after a year.

I'm fucked up, I realize that, I worked half my ass off to become first, to make L love me, be his chosen one. That day, L spoke to us, he called himself a monster. It hit me like a tun of bricks to my head. It was the things hidden behind his words that crushed me down. He was still my idol, but my view of him as a person changed drastically. After that, I was nothing but an obsessed second ranked student, obsessed with being number one, just to see, if after I reach my goal, will I suddenly be like L, superior, better than everyone else, incredibly intelligent, most of all, like I see Near now, unable to feel. I stopped chasing L's love after that.

Then came my teenage-hood, with Matt around all the time, being closer than ever, I started doubting my feelings for him. As hormonal teenagers, we couldn't control our selves, and before we knew it, we were more than just 'friends'.

We left Whammy's together, I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. We apologized for our choice, but we knew there was no place for us there, L wasn't my ultimate goal anymore. Beating Near wasn't either. It was just living normally, being with Matt, getting a normal job. Living. Yes, just that.  
>That hatred that filled every atom of my body, for Near, for this endless competition suddenly felt pointless, stupid.<p>

He's here now, with me, we're adults, and I still can't return the words that so easily roll off his tongue. Sincere yet nervous. He wants to hear them but he won't push me to it.

He says he'll wait.  
>I know he will.<p> 


End file.
